Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
