so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
This couple is walking their pig around campus
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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