3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Bring me that man meat
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