Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Randomize
