Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
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I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
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Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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