I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
