my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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