All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
