Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
