I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
