Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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