he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
