he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
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