so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
