Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
so let's talk penis.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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