Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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