Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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