I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
How external is "for external use only"?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
