I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
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