So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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