DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
