I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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