Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
