Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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