The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
