That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
