Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
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