god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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