Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
