I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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