omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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