I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
