We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
