Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
