Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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