and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
3 2 1 whiskey
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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