Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
