I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
