Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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