When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
