so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
