Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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