What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
