you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
