Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'm at about main and main street
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
