i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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