If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
