oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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