kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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