Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
