Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
