good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
