Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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