i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
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She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
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I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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