I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
