this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
