so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
