I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
