I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
