ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
