Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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