Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
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