maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
