I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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