shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
