dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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