A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
