Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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