oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
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i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
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I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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