pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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